The Myth of Who You Are: How Personality Is Shaped by Trauma, Environment, and Nervous System Conditioning
Do you believe your personality is fixed? That you’re just “born this way”?
It’s a common belief—but it’s not the full story.
We’re born with innate needs—for nourishment, connection, and survival. But our personality is shaped by experience, not just biology. From the third trimester onward, our nervous system begins adapting to our environment.
How the Nervous System Shapes Personality in the Womb
In the womb, especially in the final trimester, a baby absorbs the mother’s emotional state. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline pass through the placenta. If the mother is chronically stressed or anxious, the baby’s developing nervous system calibrates to a world of hypervigilance.
This is the beginning of nervous system conditioning—long before we’re even born.
After Birth: Personality Is Formed Through Felt Experience
For the first six months after birth, we don’t feel separate from our caregiver. If the caregiver is attuned and present, the baby feels safe. If they are stressed, emotionally unavailable, or inconsistent, the baby learns that the world is not safe. These early experiences shape how we feel, relate, and behave—what we later call our “personality.”
And no, it’s not about blame. Most parents are doing their best with what they’ve been given. But we can’t ignore the impact of early relational trauma.
Why Most People Aren’t Living As Their True Self
As toddlers begin to individuate, they need safety to express themselves. But many of us were punished, shamed, or shut down during this phase. We learned that expressing ourselves was not okay.
These felt experiences become core beliefs:
“I’m too much.”
“My needs are wrong.”
“It’s not safe to be me.”
Over time, we begin to live from a protective personality—one designed to avoid rejection and secure love. But this isn’t our true self.
My Personal Journey: From Numbness to Self-Connection
I used to think I had a “sad soul.” I was deeply depressed, emotionally numb, and thought, “This is just who I am.” But what I didn’t realise was that my nervous system had been conditioned by trauma. I wasn’t broken—I was protected.
When I began to understand this, everything changed.
I now know my true self is alive, creative, and connected—and so is yours.
There Are Two Selves: The Conditioned Self and the True Self
There’s the self that was shaped by life experience—what many call “personality.”
And then there’s the essence of who you are—loving, open, aware.
You might feel this part of you when you're on retreat, in nature, or doing something you love. It’s always there. But when we only identify with our protective layers, we feel disconnected.
How to Reconnect to Your True Self
So how do we begin to live from this deeper, wiser self?
Step 1: Recognise the Conditioning
Start noticing the beliefs:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never be happy.”
“The world is unsafe.”
See them as learned stories, not truth.
Step 2: Cultivate Presence
Practices like meditation, somatic movement, and self-inquiry help us access the part of us that’s always been here—the part that feels like home.
When we live from this place, life becomes more embodied, connected, and free.
Let’s Work Together
If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore your true self, I offer 1:1 somatic therapy sessions [online / in person in Essex].
Together, we can gently unravel your conditioning and reconnect you with the vibrant, wise self that’s always been there.
If you resonate with this, please check out my channel, subscribe, and share with anyone who might need it.
This journey isn’t meant to be done alone.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUyHEO8xxC1eh1fvYbuPtsg