A 5-day journey through conscious intimacy, shame, and self-liberation

I went to a conscious intimacy and sexuality retreat last week for five days. OMG. I learned so much about myself. It was incredibly intense — and I struggled at times.

I came up against all my triggers:

• People don’t like me

• I can’t connect to anyone

• I feel alone

• I’m not interesting enough, attractive enough, slim enough, young enough

I went through anxiety and intense vulnerability. At times, I couldn’t ask for what I wanted or needed. I know I’m afraid of rejection, and that became so clear in this space.

I saw how the protective part of me would rather compromise my happiness than be rejected. I see this really clearly now — and it has to stop.

Do you believe that you’re born with a fixed personality?

Well, that isn’t strictly true.

We’re born with innate drives—like the need to be nourished, to be accepted by our tribe, and to survive—but beyond this, we are moulded by our environment. That makes sense, right? From an evolutionary point of view, we need to be able to react and respond to our surroundings, and this adaptability is conditioned into us by experience once we’re outside the womb.

But it starts even earlier—in the third trimester.